I have “great” news for you

2012-07-02

The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, “I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we’re going to be three in this house instead of two.”

Top ten things not to say on your Anniversary

2012-07-02

10. I stopped caring about anniversaries when you stopped caring about cooking.

My daughter is your reward

2012-07-02

Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, “My dear guests . . . I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge alive!”

May I borrow your dog for a few days?

2012-07-02

It’s for my mother-in-law,” explained the mourner at the funeral procession. Tightening the leash, he gestured down at the dog and said, “My Doberman here killed her.”

A man is almost about to die

2012-07-02

As he lay on his deathbed, the man confided to his wife, “I cannot die without telling you the truth. I cheated on you throughout our whole marriage. All those nights when I told you I was working late, I was with other women. And not just one woman either, but I’ve slept with dozens of them.”

Kids at the Wedding

2012-07-02

At a friend’s wedding, everything went smoothly until it was time for the flower girl and her young escort to come down the aisle.

A sudden change of mind

2012-07-02

My Dearest Susan,

Sweetie of my heart. I’ve been so desolate ever since I broke off our engagement. Simply devastated. Won’t you please consider coming back to me? You hold a place in my heart no other woman can fill. I can never marry another woman quite like you. I need you so much. Won’t you forgive me and let us make a new beginning? I love you so.

An organization that makes men fear marriage

2012-07-02

The British had an organization that Americans are now considering adopting.

Next Joke The tradition at weddings

2012-07-02

A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, “Mommy, why does the girl wear white?”